Joke Corner

BOY NGONGO
Tinawag ni Inay si Boy, ang batang ngo-ngo. "Boy, magpunta ka sa
tindahan ni Aling Petra at bumili ka ng isang latang Pork &
Beans."

"Omo, inay," ang sagot ni Boy. Pagdating ni Boy sa tindahan ay
binati niya ang tindera, "Aning Metra,ngamuta na mo ngayo?
(Kamusta na po kayo?)"

"Mabuti naman," ang sagot ni Petra, "ano ang kailangan mo Boy?"

"Mangmilan nga mo ng inang lata ng Mo e Meen?" ang tanong ni Boy.

"Ano kamo, Boy? sabi ni Petra.

"Isa mong Mo e Meen," ang ulit ni Boy.

"Paki-ulit nga Boy at hindi kita maintindihan."

"Mo e Meen, Mo e Meen, nyung nata lata."

"Hindi talaga kita maintindihan. Mabuti pa kaya ay i-spell mo na
lang sa akin."

"O ninge. Mo e Meen. Netter Mi."

"Letter 'B'?" Ang tanong ng tindera.

"Ine! Netter Mi as in Minimines."

"Ha???"

"Mi!" Kinanta ni Boy ang alphabet, "Ey, Mi, Ni, Ni , E, Em,
Nyee..En, Em, En, O, Mi"

"Ahhh, P! Letter P!" ang masiglang sagot ni Petra.

"Oo. Mi! Mo e Meen!"

"Sige ituloy mo Boy. 'P'..."

"Ngo!"

"Ano kamo?"

Kumanta ulit, "Ey, Mi, Ni, Ni , E, Em, Nyee... En, Em, En, O"

"Ahhh, titik O! P-O. Sige ituloy mo pa."

"Netter Arrng!"

"Kantahin mo na lang ulit Boy."

"Ey, Mi, Ni, Ni , E, Em, Nyee... En, Em, En, O, Mi, Ngyu, Arrng."

"Ahhh! Letter R. Malapit na. 'P-O-R'? Hindi ko pa rin makuha,
Boy.
Anong letter and susunod?"

"Ngey."

"Letter A?"

"Ini ho," sabay buntung-hininga si Boy. "Ngey! A, Ma, Nga
(A-Ba-Ka-Da ang kinanta)! Nga!"

"Ka! Letter 'K' 'P-O-R-K' Ahhh Pork!!!"

"Oo. Mo e Meen"

"Pork and?" Ang tanong ni Petra.

"Oo!! Mo e Meen!!!"

"Pork and Meen? Ahhhh!!! Alam ko na!!! Pork and Beans!!!"

"Oo! Oo!! Mo e Meen!! Mo e Meen!!!!" ang masayang sigaw ni Boy.

"Pork and Beans pala ang kailangan mo!!!"

"Oo. Mo e Meen!

"Ay, naku... wala! naubos na.




Smart Boy !

A first-grade teacher was having trouble with one of her
students.

Teacher: What is your problem?

Boy: I’m too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the
third-grade and I’m smarter than she is. I think I should be in the
third-grade too.

The teacher took the boy to the principal’s office. While the Boy waited
in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the
situation was.

The principal told her that he would give the boy a test and if he failed
to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and
behave. She agreed.

The boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he
agreed to take the test.
Principal: What is 3 x 3? Boy: 9

Principal: What is 6 x 6? Boy: 36

And so it went with every question the principal thought a
third-grade should know. “I think the boy can go to the third-grade” ,
said the principal. The teacher said she had some of her own questions to
ask. The principal and the boy agreed.

Teacher: What is it that a cow has four and I have only two?
Boy: (after a moment) Legs.

Teacher: What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?
Boy: Pockets.

Teacher: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious
and contains thin whitish liquid?
Boy: Coconut.

Teacher : What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?
The principal’s eyes openned really wide and before he could stop the
answer, the boy was already answering.
Boy: Bubblegum

Teacher: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a
dog does on three legs? The principal’s eyes openned really wide and
before he could stop the answer…
Boy: Shake hands.

Teacher: Now I will ask some “Who am I” sort of questions, okay?
Boy: Yep.

Teacher: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I
get wet before you do.

Boy:Tent

Teacher: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you’re bored. The
best man always has me first. The Principal was looking restless, a bit
tense and took one large vodka peg…..
Boy: Wedding Ring.

Teacher: I come in many sizes. When I’m not well, I drip. When you blow
me, you feel good .
Boy: Nose

Teacher: I am a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Boy: Arrow

Teacher: What word starts with a ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ that means lot of
heat and excitement?
Boy: Firetruck.

Teacher: What word starts with a ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ and if u dont get it
u have to use your hand?
Boy: Fork.

Teacher : What is it that all men have one. It is longer for some men than
for others. The pope doesn’t use his. Normally a man gives it to his wife
after they’re married?
Boy: SURNAME.

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher, “Send
this Boy to the University. I got the last ten questions wrong myself !”


The meaning of Valentine

Little Melissa comes home from first grade and tells her father that they learned about the history of Valentine’s Day. “Since Valentine’s Day is for a Christian saint and we’re Jewish,” she asks, “will God get mad at me for giving someone a Valentine?”

Melissa’s father thinks a bit, then says “No, I don’t think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a Valentine to?”

“Osama Bin Laden,” she says.

“Why Osama Bin Laden?” her father asks, reeling in shock.

”Well,” she says, “I thought that if a little American Jewish girl could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we’re not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little. And if other kids saw what I did and sent Valentines to Osama, he’d love everyone a lot. And then he’d start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn’t hate anyone anymore.”

Her father’s heart swells and he looks at his daughter with new-found pride. “Melissa, that’s the most wonderful thing I’ve ever heard!”

“I know,” Melissa says. “And once that gets him out in the open, the Marines could blow the crap out of him!”